Sometimes an alcohol-infused smart-assed comment blossoms into a brilliant idea. Mind you, it doesn’t happen often, but in my twisted little world, it happens. Someone asked where there were good deals on Halloween candy for the little monsters and scary clowns who might stumble across my threshold. I petitioned the wife for her permission to dress as a scary clown, but her common-sense declined my ambition. Halloween is about being scary, right? Imagine all the six-year-olds who may not sleep for months! No masquerading for me this year – it was clown or bust. Donald Trump was my second choice, but I found that mask much more disturbing.
Sams, Walmart, Target, and the local dollar stores were the obvious solutions to the discount candy problem. I tend to think deeper to solve problems in my business, so I escaped the box and thought about deep discounts – like last year’s candy – perhaps at Goodwill. Discount store food is often past its expiration date. Besides, most candy doesn’t go bad, it’s usually stale. And eating stale candy could contribute to a behavioral change that may offset rising obesity levels and type-2 diabetes. Extrapolating in aggrandized manner, I might be saving lives.
Stephen took my stupid idea to the next level. He recommended that while at Goodwill, I pick up some random clothing. Dresses, socks, hats, large underwear, and the like. That was brilliant! Imagine the joy on a small child’s face as he pulls out a covertly disguised size 44 DD bra. Oh, the fun he could have with that! A hat for two small heads. A poorly adjusted slingshot. Two good sized buckets to hold candy. Earmuffs for an elephant. Obviously, a bra might be disturbing and a little nasty. However, a Hawaiian shirt or a strange pair of 60s pants would provide quite a few heartfelt chuckles. Plus, these purchases support non-profit charities, and would most likely be re-donated at some point by disturbed parents. They’d get to sell those awful socks twice.
I’m off to see the wizard. Will have to wash my new-fangled Halloween treats once or twice to be a good citizen. The good news is next year, I won’t have this problem. Our house will be blacklisted for all eternity.