Weaned from Halloween.

Sometimes an alcohol-infused smart-assed comment blossoms into a brilliant idea. Mind you, it doesn’t happen often, but in my twisted little world, it happens.┬áSomeone asked where there were good deals on Halloween candy for the little monsters and scary clowns who might stumble across my threshold. I petitioned the wife for her permission to dress as a scary clown, but her common-sense declined my ambition. Halloween is about being scary, right? Imagine all the six-year-olds who may not sleep for months! No masquerading for me this year – it was clown or bust. Donald Trump was my second choice, but I found that mask much more disturbing.

Sams, Walmart, Target, and the local dollar stores were the obvious solutions to the discount candy problem. I tend to think deeper to solve problems in my business, so I escaped the box and thought about deep discounts – like last year’s candy – perhaps at Goodwill. Discount store food is often past its expiration date. Besides, most candy doesn’t go bad, it’s usually stale. And eating stale candy could contribute to a behavioral change that may offset rising obesity levels and type-2 diabetes. Extrapolating in aggrandized manner, I might be saving lives.

Stephen took my stupid idea to the next level. He recommended that while at Goodwill, I pick up some random clothing. Dresses, socks, hats, large underwear, and the like. That was brilliant! Imagine the joy on a small child’s face as he pulls out a covertly disguised size 44 DD bra. Oh, the fun he could have with that! A hat for two small heads. A poorly adjusted slingshot. Two good sized buckets to hold candy. Earmuffs for an elephant. Obviously, a bra might be disturbing and a little nasty. However, a Hawaiian shirt or a strange pair of 60s pants would provide quite a few heartfelt chuckles. Plus, these purchases support non-profit charities, and would most likely be re-donated at some point by disturbed parents. They’d get to sell those awful socks twice.


I’m off to see the wizard. Will have to wash my new-fangled Halloween treats once or twice to be a good citizen. The good news is next year, I won’t have this problem. Our house will be blacklisted for all eternity.