HERETOFORE, NOTWITHSTANDING, HENCEFORTH, and THEREAFTER…
In which such minor residents of the residence located upon a Brevard County parcel in the ____________ subdivision at _________________, _______ County, _____, United States of America, in exchange for the privilege of possessing and operating such electronic devices including but not limited to any brand of smartphone, tablet computer, laptop computer, or desktop computer; the electricity which powers it; and the internet which supplies the connectivity to the rest of the world, you agree to the following terms and conditions with respect to operating said electronic devices in a safe and respectful manner. Any violations to any of these terms and conditions may result in the immediate removal of such devices without prior warning or notice for a reasonable term to be determined by the bill-paying adult. As of this day, in order to access the devices, electricity to run them, and the internet connectivity provided to them that we pay for, you completely agree to the terms and conditions below:
- Your devices were bought and paid for with money that your parents or guardians earned. Technically, we are loaning them to you. Therefore, we shall always know the passwords or passcodes to each and every device. If you change it, you will let us know what the new one is in 24 hours or less from the time you changed it.
- You will not share any personal information, including date of birth, name, address, assets, income, or specifics about what school you attend. You understand that while you are communicating with persons whom you don’t know in-person, they are able to deceive you and may not be truthful about who they are and their intentions. You recognize that sharing such information could lead to harm if it gets in the hands of someone who intends to hurt you. You fully recognize the threat this is to your own safety.
- In all of your online communications, you will be respectful of others and will never embarrass, humiliate, threaten or bully anyone. Your communications shall always be truthful, encouraging and helpful.
- You recognize there is no such thing as real privacy when on the Internet. You fully understand any content you post about yourself or anyone else on the Internet may be distributed across the world without your knowledge or permission. Even if you intended such communication to be private, you have no guarantee that will be the case. Always assume we may have tracking or monitoring software on all of your devices.
- We reserve the right to audit any and all of your electronic devices whenever we see fit and without prior notice. Deleting text messages, emails, history, chat sessions, or anything else shall constitute a violation of these terms and conditions. Yes, we can tell if things are deleted.
- If your phone rings, and your caller-ID reads MOM, DAD, TINA, or GRAMMY, you’d better answer it. Regardless of all the other cool things it does, it is first and foremost a cellular telephone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call or text message if the screen reads MOM, DAD, TINA or GRAMMY. Not ever. A dead battery is not an excuse – you’d better get in the practice of charging your device each and every night. Five missed calls within one calendar year means you don’t really need a phone, and we will remove it.
- If any of your devices fall into the toilet, smash on the ground, or vanish into thin air, you will be held partially responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Clean a bathroom, wash a car, do dishes, vacuum the house, or do something that will earn you a few bucks to stash away somewhere. It will happen, so you should be prepared.
- Do NOT search for, accept requests for, or accidentally trip on any sort of pornography – that means your private parts. Do not take obscene photographs of yourself and share them with anyone else. Do not ask for or accept obscene photographs of anyone else, regardless of whether they’re supposed to disappear – because there are always ways to capture them before they do. Be aware that any image or video of any person under the age of 18 – whether they agreed to it or not – is technically child pornography and grounds for arrest. And it doesn’t matter if the person lied about their age – if you possess just one obscene image, you could be arrested. If you have a question about anything, do not wait or hide it. Immediately ask one of your parents or guardians before it’s too late.
- You shall never commit fraud, pretend to purchase something without intending to pay for it, use someone else’s credit card number, or be party to any criminal activities. Although it seems fake and harmless, some of these crimes constitute federal crimes. If it smells bad, it probably is. Talk to a parent before you get busted. This is REAL.
- Downloading, streaming, and/or sharing movies without paying for them, or downloading music for free is a violation of Federal Copyright Law, and can expose you and your family to an expensive federal lawsuit that could cost us thousands of dollars for attorney’s fees and damages. Do NOT do this. If you would like to watch a movie or listen to bad music, let us know and we will rent or purchase it for you.
- You have a job too – you are a FULL-TIME STUDENT. You must be successful in your job to earn electronic device and internet privileges. You agree to keep your report card grade averages in every subject at B or above to continue the privilege of using these electronic devices. Any grade below B on a report card may constitute the removal of such devices until the grade has been raised to a B or better. It is your responsibility to keep up with all assignments, properly complete all homework, and prepare for and study for all tests. If you require assistance in any subject, you should recognize this immediately and ask a parent or teacher for help before it is too late. We all want you to succeed. If these devices get in the way, it is a parent’s responsibility to remove such devices.
- You shall NEVER text, Google, dial, game, Snapchat, photograph, or do anything while you are operating any moving vehicle (golf cart, skateboard, bike, or automobile). That few seconds could cost you your life – or the life of someone else. The first offense shall be your last.
- Keep your eyes up and off your device every hour or so. Doctors say it will help your eyes avoid becoming near sighted, and we say it’ll help you avoid walking into things. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Daydream. Draw something. Build a model. Wonder without a screen.
INSOFAR AS, THEREFORE, INDUBITABLY, and THENCEFORWARDS, you have earned our trust by obeying us as your parent and guardians, and you shall continue to have the intention of continuing to do so. You willingly enter into this agreement to be held accountable. By following these terms and conditions, we agreed you shall continue to enjoy the privilege of using electronic devices, our electricity, and our internet connectivity. HOWEVER, if you violate any part of this contract, you shall voluntarily surrender any and all electronic devices – smart phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, and gaming consoles – for a reasonable term as determined by the offended adult. In the event of device surrender, homework shall be done in a supervised location on a parent’s computer. Terms are non-negotiable.
SIGNATURE AFFIRMING ELECTRONIC DEVICE USING MINOR