The University of Florida LIED.


I distinctly remember the day the perky admissions counselor told my child and I, to our faces, that LEADERSHIP was the “single, most important” quality sought out by University of Florida admissions. As a matter of fact, I made her repeat that. TWICE. She told us UF takes a “holistic” approach to incoming freshmen candidates, further stating “we weigh leadership much heavier than grades or standardized test scores.” She even cited an example of an accepted candidate who had a B average (the average GPA of incoming freshmen is roughly 4.3) and borderline ACT scores, but showed leadership and a ridiculous amount of volunteer hours. So that’s exactly what we took away from our TWO visits to the UF campus. Our child began road-mapping her life story. Her foundation was being accepted to UF.

And that’s where the shit hit the fan.

Our kid did everything right. Worked hundreds of volunteer hours in a field directly related to her desired major. Busted ass and took advanced placement courses rather than the regular ones. Achieved a 4.4 GPA. Became the head honcho of a desirable extracurricular activity. The kid did everything exactly to the letter of what Ms. Perky told her to do.

And all my kid got was an apology e-mail from UF. Two other students — one of whom had zero intention of going to UF (she just wanted “the letter for her scrapbook”), with similar grades, LESS volunteer hours, and ZERO leadership — flaunted their acceptance letters in front of my bawling child. All that hard work for naught.

But what troubles me the most is the blatant lies from that asshole, Ms. Perky.

Our kid is not a strong standardized test taker. Many future leaders are not. I wasn’t either, and I am now a published author, the CEO a company, and on the board of two others. Several schools are now realizing introverted test-takers don’t always become successful or make the best philanthropists. Apparently, UF doesn’t subscribe to that school of thought. If you’ve ever been to Gainesville, you too will realize they’re a little back-woodsy. Better check that water for lead.

It may not help that my kid happens to be Caucasian. This is probably the single worst time in history to be white. Ironically, or not, the two acceptees were both African-American. It is insane that public organizations still give people extra points simply for the color of their skin. My Puerto Rican best friend and I took the Philadelphia Police Exam in 1990 on my wedding day. He got ten points added to his exam because his parents were Puerto Rican. No worries, because I aced it anyway. But I thought surely that shit was over by now.  Apparently, it ain’t.

The moral of this story is everyone lies. Admission counselors are horrible people. The single most important advice I can give regarding college admissions is to send your kids to Kaplan for SAT and ACT prep if college is in their future. And take a DNA test to prove you’re a minority of some sort, and slap that shit on your child’s application. It’s always better to spend your money on test prep and 23 and Me rather than depression meds.

FU, UF. I just bought a voodoo spell on Fiverr and wished fast-moving brain cancer to the entire UF admissions department. Enjoy your chemo, bitches.

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3 thoughts on “The University of Florida LIED.

  1. Oh no! I am so sorry for your daughter! It sounds like she will be a superstar in whatever path she chooses. This is so disappointing, but it sounds like she is awesome and will overcome this. Positive vibes your way.

  2. WOW! I’m so sorry for your daughter. Things happen for a reason; maybe it’s God (or whatever higher power you believe in) way of saying that maybe UF is beneath her or something. In fact, she should be applying to Ivy League schools with her grades. It’s also funny you’re putting skin color in this because UF is a predominately white school; she should have the advantage of getting accepted right? Well, sad to say, but universities are looking for diversity as well (it’s the only way that school’s like UF don’t look RACIST)

    The same thing actually happened to one of my friends, who’s also white. She was aiming for UF with all of her might (actually have similar credentials like your daughter) but didn’t get accepted at the end of the day. In fact, she got accepted at FSU which is similar to UF and is the rival school of UF. Long story short, things will look bright for your child at the end of the day. She is bright and with credentials like hers, she can get into a good university just fine.

  3. Thanks for your words of encouragement. She’s still bummed, but is heading to UCF for a year or two, which is closer to home, and is becoming an impressive university in its own right. Maybe things do happen for a reason. I’m still angry at Ms. Perky for lying to us. Please don’t give a child hope and strip it away. That’s the worst thing you can do.

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