A Stepdad’s Ode to A Single Mother.

Look, I’ll be the first to admit, mothers will forever do a whole helluva lot more that fathers will in raising a child. Most fathers don’t give a crap about raising kids. I learned that cold, hard fact when my book, Diary of an Angry Father, failed miserably in its first release. Didn’t rank high in the evolutionary process I suppose. Ironically, I rewrote my book under a female pseudonym and a different title and it’s kicking ass. It’s the same damn book. Whatever.

What’s troubling is how unappreciated many single mothers really are. During the past decade, I’ve witnessed two teenage girls reach adulthood. They’re basically wonderful kids, but the mental abuse they’re inflicting on their mother is taking a horrendous toll. I’m sure her daughters cannot comprehend what they’re doing to her. So let me lay it the f*ck out for you, because I know you’re listening.

Although Child #1 pulled most of the same shit, child #2 is the worse offender. Once she turned 18, she must have magically blossomed into some full-grown, self-sufficient adult. She now comes and goes as she pleases, and conveniently forgets that Mom still stays up late awaiting her safe arrival home. When Mom asks about her whereabouts, she offers patronizing comments and few answers.

No, the world does not mysteriously change and bend around you upon your eighteenth trip around the sun. No, you are not smart enough, wise enough, or wealthy enough to live on your own. No, you are not mature enough to make smart decisions about things that will affect the rest of your life. That’s why eighteen still has the word TEEN in it. And guess what? So does nineTEEN. No matter how bad-ass you think you are, you’re still a goddamned child.

Little darlings, your mother is one of the finest, most generous, most caring and considerate human beings I have EVER met. You learn a whole lot about people after being in three wrecked marriages. I was incredibly cautious before asking her to be my fourth. She passed all my tests with flying colors. Ten years later, she still shines like a diamond. You have no idea how lucky you girls are. I have seen a perfect example of an awful mother. She’s so far gone that I now don’t expect the phone call telling me her now heroin-addicted daughter didn’t survive her last overdose. It truly breaks my heart, but I refuse to let it take me down too.

Mom made huge sacrifices you may never understand. Since today’s youth are lazy and don’t read anything except texts and Snap Chat messages, I’ll compartmentalize them for you in a few succinct bullet points.

  • She gave up her career for you. Mom decided against the career path that would have her in senior management right now. Why? She wanted to be there for you. Upward mobility requires a lot of travel.
  • She gave up her body for you. Every mom knows her body may never be the same after giving birth. Stretch marks, gained weight, and crazy hormones take a tremendous toll on some women. But she decided you were worth all that.
  • She gave up her happiness for you. Countless sleepless nights. Forgoing amazing vacation opportunities. Spending money on your tuition rather than massages and ritzy dinners. She always thought you were more important.
  • She’s giving up her health for you. It’s been medically proven that stress takes a horrible toll on your body. It creates high blood pressure, lower resistance, and ultimately a lower life span.

What’s most amazing is that she has absolutely no regrets. And I know she means that.

Children don’t realize that everyone has their limit. When you treat someone like shit for a long time, eventually, she’s gonna pop. And one day, when you figure out that you need Mom for something, she’s not going to come running. You’ll be on your own, Princess, and that’s gonna suck.

When she said “I love you to the moon and back,” she meant it. It’s your fault that distance now may only get you half-way across the block.